iTunes 10 in 10

I’m going to do another 10 in 10 tonight, but these will be based on random selections from my iTunes, and whatever ideas I have based on the selections.

1. Familiar Realm, cKy. I don’t have any great story about this song, only that it struck a chord (ha!) with me when I was feeling particularly disenfranchised and unhappy with life in general.

2. Single Ladies, Beyonce. Once, I went to the The Carousel, Knoxville’s premier gay bar. The club was kind of crowded, but the dance floor wasn’t especially packed. Until this song came on. Every queen in the place teleported directly to the dance floor to imitate Beyonce’s choreographed dance routine. The best part, perhaps, was the young black guy pole dancing in gold hot pants.

3. Caress Me Down, Sublime. This song reminds me of high school, and how I thought this song was really suggestive. I hid the CD from my grandmother, lest she search my room and find anything that wasn’t up to her insane faux-Christian ideals.

4. Buttons, Pussycat Dolls. My dearest ambition, upon hearing this song, was to be a stripper. I never met that particular goal, though I did get a chance to cage dance to it. No, really. It, like most good things that happen to me, happened in Texas. It was hot.

5. (Undone) The Sweater Song, Weezer. I’ll never forget arguing with my old high school boyfriend at a pool hall in Lake Charles, Louisiana in the summer of 2006. That argument had an unexpected ending. Even more unexpectedly, we’re on good terms now.

6. Killing In the Name Of, Rage Against the Machine. This is the best boxing music ever. Yes, I box. At least I used to. Now I don’t go to the gym, because I’m a slug, but if I ever go back, I’ll definitely pick up boxing again. I liked it as much (maybe even a tad more) than belly dancing.

7. I Want You Back, NSYNC. Before you judge me, hear me out. I *was* a teenage girl at the height of their success. Mostly, this reminds me of the mad-crazy crush I had on Lance Bass (who has since come out of the closet). Oddly, at the time, I assumed he was the only straight one because he couldn’t dance.

8. Pump It, Black Eyed Peas. Best elliptical song EVER.

9. Why’s Everybody Always Pickin’, the Bloodhound Gang. This also reminds me of high school, specifically a trip from Louisiana to Florida where I listened to this CD so often that I learned the words to this song.

10. Bitter Sweet Symphony, The Verve. This song reminds me of Cruel Intentions, one of my favorite movies of all time.

Yes, another 10 in 10.

1. A chocolate malt sounds delicious at the moment.

2. I’m currently reading Look at the Birdie, a collection of Vonnegut’s unpublished short fiction. I love it.

3. Working the 2pm-10pm shift makes me feel like I spent my entire day at work. Considering I got up at 11am, I kind of do spend my entire day there.

4. I’m a put-on-a-show kind of girl.

5. How is it possible that I missed an episode of Gossip Girl? This must be remedied at once, or else I shall perish. Since I’m only 27, I can’t really be considered a cougar for lusting after one of the show’s 22-year-old stars. Chuck Bass, y’all.

6. I think I might have an ear infection. I’m going to give it until Monday, and if that dull ache hasn’t gone away, I’m going to the doctor for antibiotics. I’d be more willing to go to the doctor if I could guarantee that they wouldn’t mention my weight. I mean, c’mon, it’s not like I don’t know I’m a giant slug. Just give me my antibiotics and let me go.

7. Mia (cat) is being really needy tonight. It’s hard to explain to a precious calico that “Mommy needs to blog right now, go bother Taffy.”

8. Now that I’ve toyed with the idea of moving to Arizona, I feel myself oddly compelled to follow through. Maybe I’ll have a Christmas cactus this year. I would like that.

9. Every time I hear “Imma Be” on the radio, I want to dance. Even when I’m at work and it would be inappropriate.

10. It’s a shame my birthday is in December, because birthday cake sounds good right now. Even better than a chocolate malt.

10 in 10. Again.

1. I just saw Whip It and looooooved it. How could I not? It’s about roller derby, which has always been an out-of-reach aspiration of mine. I’m not tough enough…but you should put Whip It on your Netflix queue. Live vicariously, and all that.

2. I would like a cupcake–not just ANY cupcake, the Michael Jackson from Hey Cupcake in Austin–right now.

3. My septum piercing is healing quite nicely, but it’s still sore if, say, I accidentally smack myself on the nose. You’d think that would be a rare occurrence, but really, it isn’t.

4. I’ve got some kind of sinus-allergy junk that just won’t go away. I sleep, I take Sudafed, nothing works. I think I just need to move. To Arizona, where there are no trees.

5. Earlier today, I had a dream that I was an intergalactic space warrior princess-type thing. All I know? I searched for aliens that look like humans, except for a small glowing mark on the wrist. These aliens were bad, as they had killed a colony of humans in space. I had a pistol that never ran out of bullets, and a knife strapped to my boot.

6. I wish Facebook would stop friend recommendations. I hated that girl in high school, and (trust me) I’ve already spied on her page. Like me, she got fat. Unlike me, she had two ugly kids. Yes, I went there.

7. I’m excited because Jen Lancaster’s new book, My Fair Lazy, will be released on May 4th. I must pre-order it from Amazon.

8. It’s been two months since I left Texas, and I can’t wait to go back. At least I’ll be able to fly Southwest when I move to treeless Arizona.

9. Sinuses draining. Ick.

10. I’ve used almost 1000 text messages this billing cycle. Which started on April 9th. Holy crap.

Holla, y’all

Today was kind of a waste; I spent most of the day in bed, not breathing normally because of my draining sinuses. Isn’t that a charming image? It was my belief that an ice cream cone (and a large Coke) would make me feel better, but mostly I just feel kind of gross and fat. I haven’t made any real progress on the weight loss, but I haven’t been trying. In fact, I’ve been carb-loading, because that’s my favorite food group. If I wasn’t supposed to eat bread, it wouldn’t be so delicious.

I have many supportive friends, and a husband willing to police my diet (by oinking at me when I’m being a pig) by filling the apartment with healthy snacking options. I have an elliptical machine in my computer room. What I don’t have is…well, there’s a couple of things. I don’t have the energy. My meds–one in particular–make me SO tired. When I come home from work, I can barely move, let alone change into a sports bra and hop on the elliptical. Also, I don’t have willpower. Last week, I ate an entire loaf of cheddar bread because I was bored and it was there.

Without further ado, my 10 in 10:

1. Glee was pretty awesome tonight, even if I’m not a huge Madonna fan. Yes, I know she’s an icon or whatever, just spare me your lecture.

2. I’m trying to wean myself off of Ambien, since I’m not really having trouble sleeping anymore. In my two Ambien-free nights, I’ve had the strangest dreams.

3. I am resisting the urge to have more of that cheddar bread.

4. I’m on the couch with the cutest, sleepiest kitty of all time. She eats all the time and doesn’t get fat. Maybe *I* should eat cat food…

5. “Holla” is a stupid word. As in, “Hey, girl, lemme holla at you.” It should be removed from the vernacular of my generation.

6. When I was ten, my goal was to grow up to be a dominatrix. (Too many late-night episodes of Real Sex, I’m sure.) I feel this says much about my personality, and have been told (multiple times) that I would make a good dominatrix. Once, a guy on MySpace (because that’s where all the pervs are) offered to pay me to walk on his testicles while wearing stiletto heels. Hey, $50 bucks is $50 bucks. (For the record, I did not do this, though I did consider it.)

7. When I’m in my car on the interstate, I roll my windows down and sing “My Life Would Suck Without You” by Kelly Clarkson at top volume. It’s liberating.

8. I can’t wait until June, when season three of True Blood airs.

9. This summer will be big for me. I’m going back to Austin in August. I’m sure I’ll die from the heat, so I’m considering buying a one-way ticket.

10. If I got stuck in Texas, I wouldn’t be sad about it.

Song of the Moment: Untouched by The Veronicas.

10 Things in 10 Minutes, Monday Edition

1. I’m off work today, and I had this grand idea to go to Home Depot to buy plants. Of course, like most of my plans, this one fell by the wayside when I decided to stay in bed until 3pm.

2. You know those cheese-balls? The ones with slivered almonds on them? I want one right now. With crackers.

3. American Idol needs to end. It’s been, what, like eight years now?

4. Friday night, I met a girl named Nicole who had–that day–been diagnosed with cervical cancer. She was drunk at the time, but I’d probably want to get drunk, too, under the circumstances.

5. I want to move to Texas really, really badly.

6. Last night, I had this epic, crazy dream that involved a hunt for donuts, tattoos, and a fruitless search for an ATM. There were high-speed car chases, manhunts, and explosions.

7. You make think this sounds crazy, but I have a recurring dream that involves a T-Rex chasing me around my hometown. In the end, it usually catches me.

8. I watched Precious the other night; it was depressing, the kind of movie that makes you thankful for your own fucked up childhood.

9. So what? I’m still a rockstar.

10. I’m going to start writing again. No more using my medication and its resultant lack of creativity as an excuse.

10 Things in 10 Minutes

1. I saw Jennifer’s Body last night. Yeah, the one where Megan Fox is a demonic cheerleader who feasts of the flesh of teenage boys. I liked it. It was kicky.

2. I pierced my septum. Well, *I* didn’t do it; I paid to have it done, which makes the whole thing seem a bit crazy. Either way, I like it. Husband? Hates it.

3. I lost 15lbs, but will promptly gain it all back now that I’ve switched back to my old (reliable) medication cocktail.

4. I would like enchiladas, and even got invited out to a Mexican restaurant, but I’m already home from work, showered, and in my PJ’s. I’m not going anywhere.

5. I am allergic to Knoxville. (Just an aside, but how unfair is it that I get sick and NEED to blow my nose when I can’t because of my new piercing?)

6. I’ve been in an unusually good mood lately.

7. I’m planning another trip to Austin for late summer. There are more enchiladas and cupcakes to be had, I tell you.

8. Today, my hair is boring and brown. Tomorrow, my hair will be red and fierce.

9. To the lady that treated me like shit in the pharmacy today? I’m glad your adult acne is so severe. You absolutely deserve it. I hope you have disfiguring bacne AND ass pimples.

10. I forgot to buy a candy bar when I was leaving work. Fuck.

Waisting Away

In my world, going to the doctor is stressful. Whether it’s due to illness or just a quick check-up, I know I’m headed to the scale whether I like it or not. (For the record, I don’t like it.) Once I’ve dumped my purse and all easily removable accessories into The Chair Next To The Scale, I step on that awful thing and listen as the nurse slides the weight from the 150 mark to the 200. I’m generally able to predict my weight within two pounds. Is this a gift? A dubious one, at best, at least until I see those numbers dwindling.

As a fat girl, I’m always nervous that my perfect blood pressure will start to creep upward, the way it does for so many overweight individuals worldwide. It’s a miracle that I’ve managed to keep ideal blood pressure (and cholesterol, thank you) despite being obese. Luckily, most doctors just give a cursory glance at my vitals before declaring me “good to go.”

Naturally, the doctor to broach the subject of my weight would be thirty-one, fit, and handsome. He was honest with me. Very honest. So honest that I thought I might cry. And then he started throwing around numbers. Only one number stood out in my mind, though. I’m one hundred pounds overweight. Did it hurt to write that, to admit that to myself and to the world? Absolutely. So, you ask, what are you going to do about it? Easy. I’m going to lose weight.

It won’t be easy, and I’m not expecting the weight to melt off, but, with hard work, it will.

Something I should mention? I’m not going to deprive myself of the things I want. If I want a Coke, I’m going to have a Coke. I’m not going to sink into a swirling eddy of self-flagellation because I allowed myself a bowl of ice cream. I’m not going to eat carrot sticks and shy away from good food, real food simply because some anorexic, self-professed diet guru says that carbs (and sugar, and processed food, etc.) are BAD.

I’m going to exercise every day. I got an elliptical machine for Christmas, which is fabulous because it’s my preferred method of torture, and was instrumental in my losing twenty-five pounds (which I have since gained back, plus thirty-five) in the summer of ’08. My ultimate goal is to have the stamina to do a solid hour on the elliptical. Now? I’m at three minutes, and it’s not an easy three. There is much cussing and wheezing. But the endurance will come with time, and I’ll begin to see real progress.

I should say this: I don’t hate myself. I could remain fat and blissfully ignorant, but am I comfortable at this weight? No, honestly, because my clothes don’t fit and I’m so out of shape that I can’t chase the cats up/down the stairs without considerable huffing and/or puffing. It’s embarrassing, and I don’t want to live like this anymore, particularly when being so overweight has serious health consequences that I’m too young and stupid to grasp.

This isn’t a New Year’s resolution. This is simply a matter of habit. I must exercise every day; my health (and waistline) depend on it.

Not-so laffy Taffy

I just dropped close to $300 at the vet. My black kitty, Taffy, has been favoring her right ear for a while, sometimes crying out when it bothered her. I assumed she had ear mites or an ear infection, and I made her vet appointment at Banfield pet hospital. Her appointment was today at 5pm. The verdict? Taffy has ear mites AND an ear infection, so she’s totally miserable. I’ll have to doctor her ears twice daily for two weeks, which I’m sure she’ll love–especially the ice-cold refrigerated drops. I also got flea meds for both dogs and both cats. I might live on Ramen this week, but my pets will be flea-free and happy.

5 Reasons This Week Was Great

1. I transferred. Rather than working at the crazy-busy twenty-four hour store, I’m now working at a slower, more reasonably paced store. An added bonus? It’s right across the street from the mall, so Preston and I aren’t having any transportation issues with our shared car.

2. I got an awesome Raiders shirt at Old Navy.

3. Last night’s cheese enchiladas were delicious.

4. The weather is cool, crisp, and it FINALLY stopped raining.

5. I saw Paranormal Activity last night, and was still able to get a full night’s sleep once I got home. In case you were wondering, it was very scary. Very. I shrieked, “Oh my GOD!” and “Shut the FUCK up!” along with everyone else. I watched a few people get up and leave the theater after a couple of particularly intense scenes. Should you see it? Totally.

5 Reasons This Week Sucked

1. My pet chinchilla, Kirby, died. Of what? I’m not entirely sure. I think it had something to do with his mouth or teeth, as he had stopped eating and seemed to be drooling slightly. Unfortunately, Knoxville is little more than a glorified college town and exotic vets are, uh, nonexistant. I contacted the College of Veterinarian Medicine at UT, but they didn’t have any appointments available for an entire week. After countless calls, I finally found a vet who would treat a chinchilla, and booked Kirby an appointment for the following morning. He died that night. I cried like a baby (at work, mind you) when I got the text saying he didn’t make it, but was spared the awful task of packing his things away. It was already taken care of by the time I came home from work.

2. I have bronchitis, and I’m coughing. A lot.

3. Oh, and I have a sinus infection, too. I guess it’s two-for-one on heinous, irritating illnesses. I knew I had bronchitis. The hacking, soul-destroying coughs made that pretty clear, but the hidden fluid behind my ears and the throat irritation (which I’d assumed was from coughing constantly) told a different story.

4. I’m now, roughly, the size of Jupiter and warrant my own gravitational pull. I had my BMI analyzed, and I’m…yeah. I should just kill myself now. Coincidentally, my blood pressure and cholesterol are perfectly normal.

5. I worked late and missed True Blood, now I’ll have to wait to watch, because I must go to bed to try to recover from the two-for-one energy-draining illness that has taken hold in my lungs. Fuck.